Diaper Blowout – Story Time (61/365)

A fellow teacher is pregnant at our school, and because of this, we all were sharing diaper horror stories with her today.  The poor thing.  Here’s my favorite diaper blow out story.

On a hot day in the summer, our little family was driving down I-94.  I was behind the wheel, my wife, Lisa Marie, was in the passenger seat, and our first child, Bob the Builder was sitting in the back seat.  He must have been over one year old at the time because he was facing forward.

As we were driving down the interstate, we heard our baby grunting loudly.  Oh no.  That was his way of telling us that he’s working on a big dooky.  He must have got it out quickly because the smell flooded our car immediately.  It was rancid.  It smelled like rotten sweet potatoes and curdled milk mixed with cow manure.  My eyes watered.

I rolled down all the windows in the car.   We were only one mile away from an exit off of I-94.

My wife looked back to make sure it wasn’t too windy for baby Bob, and then screamed.  “Ahhh!  The poop is running down his leg!”

I glanced back and saw it too.  It was a diaper blowout!  Baby Bob was wearing a onesie.  On the side of his right leg, slush-like poo had breached the hull of the diaper.  The poop had broke containment.

“Only a half mile to the exit!” I shouted.

“Ahhh!” My wife screamed again.  “Don’t touch it!”  The baby looked down and saw the poo on his leg, and reached for it.  He grabbed the poo with one hand, and then looked at his own poo covered hand.  He was fascinated.  We were appalled.

poohand

“Don’t wipe your hand on anything!” Lisa Marie commanded.  I veered off the highway, down the exit ramp.  I pulled off the road and parked our car on the gravel next to the road.

Thankfully we got Baby Bob out of the seat before he could transfer the poo anywhere else, and also managed to get him out of there before the poo leaked onto his car seat.

I can’t remember much about the cleaning process on the side of the road, but I do remember that we put all the wipes, and the loaded diaper in a plastic bag, tied up the bag, and left it on the side of the road.  The smell was simply too awful to bring back into the car.

Sorry for littering.  If you were there, you’d understand.

Llamas, Cats, and Dogs – The Sunday Share (60/365)

I think I finally found a good theme for Sundays.  I’m calling this weekly post, The Sunday Share.  First up, the story of the week, or I should say stories for this Sunday.  There was a dress that was black and blue and white and gold, plus some llamas got loose.

llama-dress-2015-02-27-01

Unless you were in Boulder, Colorado living under a boulder, I don’t know how you could have missed these stories.  Here’s a great summary of those events.

Staying with the same topic, how about the coolest thing that happened in the llama chase.  A cowboy, riding in the back of a moving pick-up truck, lassoed a runaway llama.  Now, that’s a man right there.

llamas9.w529.h352

The New Yorker recapped the whole story in gif form.  It’s hilarious.

While we’re still talking about llamas, how about the book recommendation of the week.

51jDt0txanL

We have this book in our extensive children’s book collection.  It’s quite fun to read.  Here’s a link to it if you want to buy Llama Llama Red Pajama from Amazon.

On my little blog, the post that got the most traffic this week was a little deep.  I asked a question of myself, “Am I Hurting The World or Helping It?”  Feel free to read and ask yourself the same question.

Last, but not least, I think The Sunday Share should end in with a fun video.  Here’s some cats not letting dogs pass.  YOU SHALL NOT PASS, DOG!

I hope you liked The Sunday Share.  You can share The Sunday Share as well.  Sharing is caring!    

Pants or Shirt on First? (59/365)

At work, during lunch the past few days, we’ve had spirited discussions about what order we get dressed in.  Does your shirt go on first, or do you put your pants on first?  Do you even know what order you get dressed in?

PantsAndShirt

I’ll go over my order as I’m getting prepared for work.  First of all, it should be known that I am terribly unorganized and forgetful.  I have to take several steps the night before work to ensure I won’t run around in the morning like a chicken with its head cut off.  My keys have to go in my lunch bag, or I’ll forget my lunch.  Also, I have to pick out six clothing items and set them in the bathroom.  Here’s my order of getting dressed.

1. Boxers on.

2. T-shirt on.

3.  You would think that socks would be the next step, but I go with shirt here.  I put my collared dress shirt on third.

4.  Pants on next.  This is critical that the pants come after the shirt, because I tuck the shirt in.  I would create an unnecessary step if I did this out of order, or I’d have to stumble around with my pants undone and then put my shirt on.

5. Belt.

6.  Then the socks go on.  Socks go last because I actually tuck a small portion of my pants into my socks, so the leg of my pants don’t creep down and end up under my heel.  I hate that feeling.

Before I leave, I put my shoes on and untuck the pants from my socks.  Then I’m ready to go.

What’s your order for getting dressed?  Are you a pants first, shirt second.  The women at school said pants was second because they don’t tuck it in.

Just for fun, try getting dressed in a different order, but don’t do something weird like wear your underwear on the outside and blame it on me.

Fan Art Friday (58/365)

Here’s a few pictures I found scattered in my house.  First up is The Flower Child’s picture.  She drew this on Valentine’s Day.

Valentine

 

From left to right, in the picture, there is Safari, a giraffe, Fluffy, a lion, Slush, a husky dog, and Cupcake, the kitten.  Strawberry is down below, and she’s a otter.  They all want to wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day.

The next entry is from Ivan.  He drew a castle.

Castle

Ivan said that there were spider webs all over the castle.  Also two tanks, they are red, were on each side of the castle.  One of them was shooting at Darth Vader.  I’d also like to note that the bad guys are smiling.

 

Am I Hurting The World or Helping It? (57/365)

I’m really not sure if I am helping the world or hurting it.  Before I begin with my personal analysis, when I say “the world” I really mean humanity and the Earth.  Am I helping out humanity and the Earth with my lifestyle?  I think it’s a great question to ask of oneself.  Think of the world as a giant bucket with some water in it.  Are we a bucket dipper, meaning we take things away and are bad for the world, or are we a bucket filler, adding more good to the world?

On the way home from my job, I’m a middle school teacher, I was listening to a conservative radio show talk host.  He was talking about how a high school French teacher made her students do an assignment on conservation.  I won’t get too much into the details, but basically, the host was ripping this teacher a new one.  Yes, the teacher had her heart in the right place, but the execution of her idea was flawed.  However, the radio show host is most definitely hurting the world, not only by what he says, but also in his view of the world.  He’s a bucket dipper.  Basically, he said, we should consume as much as we want because we can.  I know that’s wrong.  Just because we can do something doesn’t make it right for the world.

But what about me?  I’m not perfect.  Far from it.

So, I made up three categories where I’m going to judge if I am helping the world or hurting it.

TheGlobe

That’s supposed to be a picture of the Earth.  I’m from the western hemisphere.  West Side!  Back to the story.

Consumption of Goods 

PRO – I recycle most of the bottles, cans, and paper products I consume, but probably not everything that I could.  I made a little vegetable garden in our backyard, and grow lots of potatoes, tomatoes, sugar snap peas, and onions.  Our family eats it all up, but I’d say all together they provide enough food for maybe two out of the 365 days in the year.

CON – We’ve built a house.  That used up a lot of materials from the Earth.  I live in Wisconsin which means we burn off a lot of natural gas to heat our home.  My wife and I both own cars that aren’t hybrids and drive a significant distance to get to work everyday.  It’s pretty safe to say, my carbon footprint is rather large.  I haven’t done anything to our home like adding geothermal heat, solar panels, or wind turbines.  When I purchase food, some things I buy are organic, but the majority isn’t.

OVERALL =  D- grade for my consumption of goods.  My veggie garden saved me from a failing grade.

Professional Life

PRO – Specifically, I am a seventh grade English Language Arts teacher.  On a basic level, I teach students how to read and write, but my ultimate goal is to help students become critical thinkers.  The school district I work in performs well, but I think that’s just a product of the environment.

CON – To make a bigger impact, I should probably teach in a school that needs more positive male role models.  I’d better serve the world by teaching in Milwaukee instead of the suburbs.

OVERALL = B

Family and Community

I’m married and I have three children.  My wife is a high school math teacher, and my children are all in Elementary school.

PRO – So far, my wife and I have managed to stay out of jail, and my children aren’t much trouble at their school.  I’m projecting here, but I imagine my children will all become productive members of society.

CON – It would probably be better for the world if my wife and I had only one child, seeing as we wouldn’t be using up as much resources.  My wife and I thought that wouldn’t be fair to our first child because he should have people to play with.  However, we think we’re good people, and we will hopefully do a good job raising our children so they can grow up to help out the world more than they hurt it.  We aren’t very active in the community outside of me being a T-Ball coach and a soccer coach for the teams my children play on.  I’ve only kicked the soccer ball and drilled a kid in the face a few times.  They were accidents, I swear!

OVERALL = C   This one is hard to say.   I think it is up to others to judge if we are good for the community or not.  Maybe I’m a real lousy coach and all the kids hate me?

I can do more.  We all can.  I’m trying to change the way I buy food, and I want to grow more vegetables next year.  Also, I’d like to look into some ways to outfit my home so it can generate some renewable energy.  Hopefully the kids I coach in my community have a good experience this year too.  I’m not going to kick the ball at kids faces anymore.  I swear!

Now, I ask you.  Are you helping the world out or not?  Are you dipping into the bucket or are you a bucket filler?  Is humanity or the Earth a better place because of you?

Why Do We Love Cats? (56/365)

I admit it.  I’m a cat lover, but I’m not exactly sure why I am.  To give you a little background knowledge, we only have one cat in our house, and it also is the only pet that we have.  Our cat, Sylvie, is a little cutie.

Sylvie

What purpose does the cat serve?  Does it help out our family at all?   I don’t like dogs as much, but I know they can at least provide the family with a service.  Dogs can protect a home, deterring would be intruders.  They also can serve as hunting dogs, pointing out game or retrieving game.  Scratch that.  Cats actually do hunt, and they ever so graciously bring back their prey for you to see.  Sometimes, they even bring it back alive and let it go inside the house for you to finish off the kill.

They certainly don’t help keep the house clean.  It is nice that they poop in a litter box, but why can’t they keep food down.  Seriously.  Cats barf too much, and in some of the worst places.  Last week, our cat barfed on the heating vent.  The cat puke fell between the grates, and I had to take the vent out of the floor and then scrub inside the heating duct, because the air coming out smelled like hot barf.

Yes, cats clean themselves, but they don’t brush themselves.  We purchased a Furminator (I highly recommend one) to try and keep the fur from flying around the house and clinging to every clothing item that we have.

Now, I could go on and on about the negatives of cats, such as when my daughter got mauled by one, but I really want to know, why do I love my cat?

Maybe it’s because they are like a soft little person.  My cat, and all the cats I’ve known have attitude.  It’s not a given that I can just pet my cat and she’ll love it.  She might try to playfully bite me or pin her ears back in displeasure.  She might decide that its not time for pets and simply wiggle around until I put her down or leave her alone.  We humans have to be able to understand when or where we can interact with the cat.

Maybe it’s because they purr.  Something about that rumbling sound makes me smile and relax.  It’s such a unique trait.  So soothing.  I don’t think I have much stress in my life, but when my cat purrs, it does make me feel quite relaxed.  There’s been research done about that, and, like always, I’m not going to take the time to cite my sources because I’m lazy, but from what I understand it provides relief and offers some healing properties as well.  The low vibration of a purring cat helps the cat to heal bones and wounds, as well as the humans nearby.

The biggest reason I love Sylvie, my sweet little cat is because she’s a low maintenance companion.  When I’m watching TV, reading, or sitting by the computer, the cat likes to be around.  Sure, my cat will interrupt by walking across my keyboard while I’m typing, or decide to sit down on my wife’s math papers while she’s grading, but we both don’t seem to mind.  I actually feel rather guilty when my cat comes around and I’m too busy to pet her.

How about you?  Do you love cats?  Why or why not?

Keywords and Flickr (55/365)

I’m still working through the book by Kristen Lamb about how to be a dominant force on the internet with your blog and your author platform.  This is another assignment, so to speak as I’m putting together all this stuff.  I really want to be successful as an author, so I’m going to follow her plan step by step.  For the readers, I’ll keep you posted on if this makes a difference for me.

Today’s assignment is uploading my pictures to Flickr.  This is a picture sharing sight, and I’m hoping some of my phenomenal illustrations using Crayola Markers will garner some attention.  I’m not saying my drawings will get positive attention, for they are pretty basic, and poorly drawn.  I may get some negative responses.  However, I wouldn’t mind any attention at this point.

The other thing I have to focus on are keywords.  When a person does a internet search with Google or Bing or Yahoo, they type in a phrase or keywords.  I need to make my articles, as well as my author page keyword friendly.  That’s an assignment for a different day.  I know I’ll have to use words like middle grade author, or middle school teacher and such.  I hope I can still make it interesting to read.  There’s the challenge.

The last thing is I have to pin my pictures onto a Pinterest page.  I don’t think I have a Pinterest account, so I’ll have to get on that too.

 PinterestLogo

That’s all for today.  Wish me luck on my quest to be a successful author!

David Tiefenthaler Word Cloud (54/365)

Writing a journal entry every day is a beast of a task.  I’ve been reading a book about blogging as an author by Kristen Lamb, Rise of the Machines: Human Authors in a Digital World, and one of the things she suggests is a word cloud.  Basically, it’s a brainstorm about who I am, what I’m doing now, and where I would like to go.

David Tiefenthaler

Husband, father of three boisterous children, son to two of the best parents a child could ever have, middle child between an older brother and younger sister, extrovert, creative creator, reader, writer, author, loves to draw, illustrator, middle school teacher, dreamer, loves a good time, former athlete, amateur wood floor installer, terrible drywaller, cat lover, makes random sound effects during conversations, admirer of stand-up comedians and secretly wishes he could do that, The Walking Dead fan, collected comic books as a kid like Wolverine, The Punisher, and The Uncanny X-Men, wishes he lived on a lake, brain always running in circles, only finds peace and calm in his head when he’s fishing or when he can hold a baby, listens to techno, alternative rock, hard rock, old school rap, but not much country, loves seafood but lives in a house with no seafood lovers, hates the cold but lives in Wisconsin, favorite teams in order are Wisconsin Badgers Football, Badger Basketball, Milwaukee Brewers, Green Bay Packers, and the Milwaukee Bucks, loves playing baseball, no better feeling in sports than swinging hard and hitting the ball square, cross country runner, track runner, coached high school baseball and high school track and cross country, coaches little kids soccer and t-ball, needs to workout to get in shape, Tough Mudder, anti-bully, Minecraft player, perennial flowers, little vegetable gardens, built a playground for the kids, but made the monkey bars high enough for him to cross, desperately wants to move to Hawaii, producer of several YouTube videos from running informational videos to outdoor adventures, scared of fire, hates heights, raised Roman Catholic, middle name is Thomas, needs to be in nature, wants to do some kind of survival challenge, gets bored doing the same thing for too long, taught math, social studies, chorus, biology, special education for cognitively disabled, and now teaches English Language Arts, prefers shade over sun, comfortable with moderate discomfort, balding white guy, spends too much time on social media, wants to walk into the room like a WWE wrestler when he does an author talk, the sound of a purring cat makes him smile, wants to catch a 50 inch musky, lost his wedding ring years ago and is still upset, competitor, wants to find a good group of guys to play cards with, champion level sheepshead and euchre player in college, two time fantasy football champion even though I put minimal effort into it, afraid of international travel, never been outside of North America, vacationed in Canada, Jamaica, and spent one afternoon in Mexico, allergic to ragweed like something fierce, restless, determined, committed, honorable, friendly, worker of several different jobs before teaching like bus boy, roller rink attendant, lawn boy, landscaper, janitor, video store worker, grocery shelf stock boy, corrugated cardboard box plant worker, radio station producer, night club DJ, a fan of talking on microphones, need my slippers in the winter, chips and salsa, I like to pretend I can rap at talent shows and have the video to prove it, horror films scare me so I don’t watch them, does high school math with his wife for fun, and that’s about all I can think of for now.

Here’s a picture of me with my children, because family is probably the most important thing of all for me.

DSC00525

 

I don’t really like putting my kids out there on social media or on my websites, but I love this picture of us at Al’s Run in Milwaukee.  It’s a run walk that my wife and I always take the kids to because it benefits the Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin.

A Questionnaire for The Tooth Fairy (53/365)

Yesterday, my oldest son, Bob the Builder lost a tooth.  He was eating a hard shell taco of all things when it came out.  That’s actually the second time he’s lost a tooth eating a taco.  Of course, Bob was excited for the tooth fairy to come, but my daughter was even more excited.

Even though she didn’t lose a tooth, The Flower Child decided that she was going to leave some questions for the tooth fairy under her pillow.  Here’s the first side of the piece of paper she left under her pillow the night that the tooth fairy came.  The Tooth Fairy Questionnaire had two sides.

 

ToothFairy

Here’s all of the questions and answers typed out.  I cleaned up The Flower Child’s grammar, but she writes pretty darn well for her age.

Do you have horses?  No, I don’t.

Dear Tooth Fairy,  I want to know your name.  Pearl

Also, Pearl, our tooth fairy, drew a picture of herself.

There’s more.  Here’s the back side.

ToothFairy1

How big are you? (She gave the tooth fairy three choices.  The size of a toothbrush, the size of a pea, or the size of lettuce)  The tooth fairy circled toothbrush, naturally.

What is your favorite color?  I love all colors, but sky blue is my favorite.  White is pretty too!

So, now you know.  The fairy that visits our house for teeth is named Pearl, she’s the size of a toothbrush, and likes the colors sky blue and white.  Also, from the picture she drew, she’s a cute little thing!

Pitchers and Catchers Report (52/365)

When you live in a northern state like Wisconsin, and you’re a baseball fan, the words, “Pitchers and Catchers Report” offer you a glimmer of hope.  Like a ray of sunshine peaking over the horizon, those four words speak of hope, of new beginnings.

My father asked me when I was young.  “Dave, do you know the four most beautiful words in the English language?”

“No,” I replied.

“Pitchers and catchers report!” he’d sound off proudly.

He’s a wise man, my father.  I never understood how wise until I grew older.  Such beauty, such grace in these four words  So much so, that I wrote a poem in its honor.

Enjoy some grapefruit.  Touch a cactus.  It’s time to throw the old baseball around.