A fellow teacher is pregnant at our school, and because of this, we all were sharing diaper horror stories with her today. The poor thing. Here’s my favorite diaper blow out story.
On a hot day in the summer, our little family was driving down I-94. I was behind the wheel, my wife, Lisa Marie, was in the passenger seat, and our first child, Bob the Builder was sitting in the back seat. He must have been over one year old at the time because he was facing forward.
As we were driving down the interstate, we heard our baby grunting loudly. Oh no. That was his way of telling us that he’s working on a big dooky. He must have got it out quickly because the smell flooded our car immediately. It was rancid. It smelled like rotten sweet potatoes and curdled milk mixed with cow manure. My eyes watered.
I rolled down all the windows in the car. We were only one mile away from an exit off of I-94.
My wife looked back to make sure it wasn’t too windy for baby Bob, and then screamed. “Ahhh! The poop is running down his leg!”
I glanced back and saw it too. It was a diaper blowout! Baby Bob was wearing a onesie. On the side of his right leg, slush-like poo had breached the hull of the diaper. The poop had broke containment.
“Only a half mile to the exit!” I shouted.
“Ahhh!” My wife screamed again. “Don’t touch it!” The baby looked down and saw the poo on his leg, and reached for it. He grabbed the poo with one hand, and then looked at his own poo covered hand. He was fascinated. We were appalled.
“Don’t wipe your hand on anything!” Lisa Marie commanded. I veered off the highway, down the exit ramp. I pulled off the road and parked our car on the gravel next to the road.
Thankfully we got Baby Bob out of the seat before he could transfer the poo anywhere else, and also managed to get him out of there before the poo leaked onto his car seat.
I can’t remember much about the cleaning process on the side of the road, but I do remember that we put all the wipes, and the loaded diaper in a plastic bag, tied up the bag, and left it on the side of the road. The smell was simply too awful to bring back into the car.
Sorry for littering. If you were there, you’d understand.