My Kids Play Dirty – Soccer Story Time

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I’m too competitive.  It’s something I have come to accept, and unfortunately this trait of mine is rubbing off on my children.  Here’s my story… This weekend, my three children challenged me to a soccer game.  We set up two goals in the backyard and started playing.  The first one to five goals would be declared the winner and grand champions of the soccer universe.

Get off me kids!

Get off me kids!

My oldest son, Bob the Builder, is seven.  He is ultra competitive, so I knew this would be a battle.  If he loses, he starts crying.  Then again, when I lose, I cry too.  He’s kind of like his father that way.

Quickly, I busted out to a two to nothing lead.  When I play, I play for keeps.  YOU KNOW IT!  No little crew of pip squeaks are going to keep me down.  Bob recognized that he had to change his strategy, or this game would be a rout.  He huddled up with The Flower Child, my five year old daughter, and Ivan the Terrible, my three year old son.

Bob’s plan was devious and brilliant.  Immediately after the huddle broke, The Flower Child sprinted right at me.  She then jumped up and gave me a big bear hug.  I put her down because Bob the Builder was coming to shoot on goal, but The Flower Child clung to my leg leaving me completely immobile.  Bobo scored!

The next time down, Bob sent The Flower Child and Ivan the Terrible to grab my legs.  Bob scored again.  The game was tied 2 – 2.

The rest of the game involved me dodging the munchkins, while trying to score goals and keep Bob from scoring.  When the score was tied four to four, things got intense.  As The Flower Child and Ivan the Terrible chased me, I would snatch them before they could cling to my legs, and I would toss them out of the way.  They didn’t get discouraged at all, and Ivan started diving at my ankles.  I tripped eluding Ivan’s attack, and then The Flower Child jumped on my back as I was trying to get back up.  Bob saw his window of opportunity and scored the winning goal.

Bob celebrated the victory by joining his brother and sister.  They all jumped on me repeatedly as I rolled around in the grass crying.

– Dave

How about you?  Are you competitive?  Do you play fair, or do you look for that edge, even if you’re cheating?

 

Story Time – My Daughter Chases Darkness the Cat

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It’s Story Time!  Every Monday at my school, I tell a story about what happened in my life over the weekend.  I figured, I might as well post it here too.  All the names have been changed, but the story really did happen.  The Story Time posts are strictly for entertainment purposes.  Don’t expect to learn anything, except for the fact that you should write down your awesome life stories. Enjoy!

I'm a cat.  Fear me!

I’m a cat. Fear me!

Let the story begin!

Because my five year old daughter, The Flower Child, loves our cat, Tabby, so much, she chases the cat all around the house and tries to pick her up.  Fortunately, the cat never bites The Flower Child.  Unfortunately, my daughter had a false sense of security around cats.  She thought all cats are sweet like our little Tabby.

On Thursday, The Flower Child slept over at Aunt Bertha’s house for the first time.  Aunt Bertha has a cat of her own named Darkness.  I think Darkness is part black panther because he is absolutely huge for a domestic cat.  He’s super long and has muscles popping out of his fur.

Darkness is relatively friendly, but not used to being chased by a little girl.  The Flower Child spotted the cat and went to pick him up, so Darkness raced down into the basement.  Aunt Bertha saw this and said, “Flower Child, leave him alone.  He doesn’t want to be petted.”  My daughter didn’t listen to this advice at all and immediately ran downstairs to try and catch the cat.  She backed the cat into a corner in the basement, and then Darkness bit her right in the face.  Blood was everywhere.  Aunt Bertha washed off all the blood and tried to clean out the six deep puncture wounds.  The Flower Child cried some, but once her face was washed off, she was okay.

The next morning came, and The Flower Child’s face had swelled up like a balloon.  It looked like she had a tennis ball stored in her left cheek.  When we came to pick her up from Aunt Bertha’s house, we were shocked.  My wife took The Flower Child to the doctor, and now she has to take two different antibiotics for 10 days because her cuts are infected.  I did a little internet research on a cat bite with deep punctures and my daughter probably has a bacterial infection.  Pasturella multocida (whatever that is) breeds in a cat’s mouth, and that was transferred into my daughter’s face.

The doctor was very worried that the infection had spread too much already, so she drew a big circle on my daughters face around the swelling.  The doctor said we had to report to the emergency room immediately if it went past the circle.  Luckily, the swelling never expanded any more. My three year old son, Ivan the Terrible, thought that the circle on The Flower Child’s face was really cool.  He decided to draw a circle on his face too.  My wife thought this was such a sweet gesture.  She said, “Oh, Ivan.  You’re so nice!”  Ivan the Terrible took this the wrong way though, and then colored with marker all over his entire face.  Luckily, he used washable markers.

For a day or two, we were still very concerned about The Flower Child, but by Sunday, the swelling has subsided considerably.  All that’s left on my daughter’s little face are some scabs where the cat punctured her skin, and a pretty nasty black eye.  She was embarrassed to show her face off in kindergarten, so I hope school went well for her today.

Did she learn her lesson?  Nope.  She still chases our cat all around the house and picks her up repeatedly.

 What happened on your weekend?  Do you have any stories you’d like to tell?  Any questions about my story?  Leave your comments and questions below!