I am not advocating bulimia with this post. That’s a bad idea. However, if you are someone who loves food, and can’t help but to eat delicious goodies, I suggest the “Watch Someone Barfing Diet”.
What’s that you ask? Well, the “Watch Someone Else Barf Diet” a simple plan. When someone else is sick and barfing, just watch them throw up. Then you’ll feel really sick too, but hopefully not too sick. With this comprehensive diet formula, you’ll feel just disturbed enough so you don’t eat anymore. Food looks mighty repulsive when it comes hurling out of another person’s mouth.
Did those last two paragraphs sound like a terrible infomercial. I have to make light of puking right now, or else I’m going to spill my guts too.
It’s all because, Ivan, my five year old is heaving chunks. The poor little guy woke up at 11:30 pm and said his stomach hurt. When our children wake up in the night and tell us that, there’s a 95% chance they are going to ralph.
It’s just past midnight, and I’m writing again. I’d like to sleep, but I’m worried he’s going to wake up again and miss the bucket. He missed the first time around at 11:30 pm, and puked up dinner on the carpet and his bed sheets.
I had to wash those out in the utility sink in the laundry room. The chunks of cheese from the pizza he ate were so large that they clogged the drain. I had to get a pencil and jam the cheese barf down the drain to unclog the sink. GROSS!
The second time, at about 12:30 am, he made it into the puke bucket, but it was still gross to dump it in the toilet and then flush it down. Then I had to rinse out the slimy stomach acid residue from the bucket.
Alright. That’s enough. I’m making myself sick writing about it. I just hope the little guy is feeling better and getting some sleep. I’m going to try to get some shut eye right now too.
P.S. I think that diet would really work. Whenever my kids have the flu and are puking, and I don’t get it, I still don’t eat hardly anything for a few days.